My Prayers for My First Responder Husband - Entry by Jessica Wright
I am a woman who has gone through countless peaks and valleys, and my heart is now 100% on fire for God. You’d think I’d have a husband cheering me on, anxiety free, equally vocal and purposeful for Jesus in his life—begging for us to pray together at night, hands in the air like he just doesn’t care in church. But God’s timing for him and me has been different.
Four years ago, I promised Jesus that if He got me through having a suicidal thought—while working in corrections and running a counseling practice—I would give everything to Him, including making our counseling practice a Christian practice. That awful season followed the unexpected deaths of several coworkers, and I felt broken. But Jesus showed up, and I held onto that promise.
Faith in our marriage was a silent thing for a long time. Many nights before I left my job in corrections, it was something I’d pray about with the kids while my husband worked late or zoned out on his phone. This silence led to frustration, bitterness, and confusion about why God had given me this wonderful man—whose grandfather was a preacher—yet he struggled with anger as a first responder when the kids didn’t listen. It became apparent that we weren’t living out the "good Christian marriage" ideal I had imagined from Sunday morning church TV growing up.
As I sit and write today, I wonder… what does "equally yoked" even mean? Where did that phrase come from? Were there chickens involved? (We’ve learned a lot about chickens these past few years; I have plenty of stories as a reformed city girl turned country woman.)
"Equally yoked" comes from 2 Corinthians 6:14, where Paul advises Christians not to be "unequally yoked" with unbelievers. But what happens when your heart becomes softened and on fire for Jesus, yet your husband doesn’t seem to follow suit? How do you avoid becoming a nagging wife, begging him to lead your family spiritually (while he rolls his eyes and gets more frustrated)? What if your son resists following Jesus because he doesn’t see his dad doing the same? How can you, as a wife, lead your children to Jesus without your husband’s example?
You see, my husband and I both are Christians. But my husband doesn’t have the same testimony as me. He never worked in all-male prisons where I often felt unsafe. He never had to stare at an empty officer’s chair after his coworker took his own life and questioned if he could’ve done more. His testimony is his own. And in my frustration, annoyance, and self-righteousness, I’ve realized that being married to a first responder sometimes feels devastating. Yes, I said it. I’m sorry for my honesty. My husband is so stubborn, and so am I. He doesn’t often show signs that God is moving in his heart that I would show. His pride feels like a wall between us, and I sometimes worry if he has fully surrendered to Jesus, even though he says he has.
My dream is that my husband will understand that the counseling practice we’ve built is mission work. It will take years to grow. Sometimes we may continue to have to use personal funds to pay employees. Staff may not see as many clients as we need to cover expenses. We may struggle to pay taxes. But God will provide. I pray that my husband will release the financial fears rooted in his family’s generational worries. This is not just my work; I pray it becomes his, too. Because Jesus is faithful, and this practice is what He wants us to do now.
I know being married to a visionary with her head in the clouds and her heart on fire for Jesus wasn’t what my husband signed up for. He was a military man who promised me a life of adventure, moving wherever we were sent. We attended church on holidays, but bitterness and past church hurt kept us distant from deeper faith for many years.
The scripture I pray over my tough guy is one I cling to tightly:
"How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?" (1 Corinthians 7:16).
My actions as a woman surrendered to Jesus matter. When payroll seemed impossible last week, I refused to spiral into anxiety. I prayed, and God showed me that the intensive a couple had paid for could be done sooner than scheduled. The next day, God blessed us with two unexpected checks. That night, I prayed over my husband—that he would be freed from his financial anxiety, knowing that fear could block blessings.
So where do you go from here? Here are my three actionable steps for becoming equally yoked with your tough guy:
Create a Prayer Board: Place it where the family can see it. Mine is next to the sink in our upstairs bathroom. Each time I take a bath, I pour out my prayers on sticky notes. Pray for your husband daily.
Remember Your Testimony: Share your journey with others married to tough guys (first responders, vets, farmers, etc.). Community matters.
Read Books That Inspire: I recommend Reverent, which taught me the power of consistently praying for my husband.
Keep praying. Keep trusting. God’s timing is always perfect. Let Jesus be Jesus, and get out of the way.
Amen.